soaring in crowd. soaring to home.

the boys who are turning into men, oh men, justice will be served. let it go as the breath you took last second. it doesn’t seem like a good comparison, probably impossible - but good if impossible. know that the Lord you are obeying covers all dimensions, occupy the entire time frame, the past the present the future. all in one picture. you serve Him and saying, what am I to do about what has happened? what am I to do about who did it? do I have the entire picture? what am I supposed to do about this small picture of my own heart, and speak things that serve my time and ruin what's good lying underneath my skin, surrendering to the decorated satan's imperialists.

you are given the ability and permission as His creation to respond fairly to they who spit over what God loved you for. the fragmented love and pain.

but should I not let the Beloved deal with it all Who encompasses infinity more wisdom than the little spirit He gave me. should I not connect that spirit to the praises of the One it is separated from. so, I can feel how He lifts when He lifts. how He serves justice, and how He understands. how He works through the impossible and the unseen and I watch my weak existence carried and fed, forgiven and compromised, guided and provided, loved and taught by the All Powerful. 

matters belong to Him, you let it hurt but undistracted - you still carry those pieces and bring into the house of your loving Master. you glorify His Majesty and please Him by taking powers out of your hands and telling Him what He already knew you will be brought down to say; I can my Lord, you have given me the ability and authority to do so, but my authority, my ability, given by you, comes nowhere near in fulfilling what I have been praying for, what have been deeply striving for - but Your ability, yes, Your authority - I bare witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah. the impossibles which I can’t get my head off from, is Your area to work in, You know what’s done to Thy slave. and I am pleased with the events my Lord, that bring me down humbly in front of You.’

you walk out and you soar. roaming in your own rhythm. everything lifted up from the shoulders of your heart and mind. your soul is in conversations with his Master. what worries you now, when you know your application is submitted along with your existence, despite of its rough ink or filthy paper. it’s accepted by the One who knows what lies in the hearts of eight billion people right this second. He Sees and Hears and it is all organized effortlessly to Him.

you are left with nothing except for asking at your bed time; what do You want to put me up for tomorrow, my Lord? I’ll be there and if I’ll be late, just know that I am a human being and I have a sworn enemy who is only up-to shredding what I have finally found after years of him defeating me but see, You already know all that. my battles are no longer my battles for alone.

and, so what, the holes couldn’t be filled by mere humans, I The Almighty left them opened for Myself to get in. but you never really focused the idea of unseen and you called yourself intellectual. until I made you find Me, recognize My authority and wisdom and love. the last one you looked for more and you fooled people, saying you attract wisdom. It was third. love came first, authority came second. now you have seen Mine. you still insist on saying what they say, and I make your mouth say what I want you to say. how much you are in control? how much do you return for the perfection I show you, in response to your prayers that ask for worldly imperfections. wouldn’t you be stupid to not understand why My Quran is full of My praises? didn’t I make you get to the point when you saw things happening that your unique mind couldn't comprehend, you couldn't even draw the image yet, while I was serving you with the justice that you left over My authority. I walked toward you an arm’s length when you only walked toward Me a hand span.

so like You said, my Lord in the book Your beloved brought to me, 

“There will certainly be no fear for the close servants of Allah, nor will they grieve” [10:62] 

how do I get closer because there’s still grief that comes at times, making me vulnerable for the enemy to bring to me the images of a path that attempt to pull me from Your path without which this world eats me up.

“Indeed, those who believe, do good, establish prayer, and pay alms tax will receive their reward from their Lord, and there will be no fear for them, nor will they grieve.” [2:277] 

but - my Lord, there are times — when —

“We will certainly test you with a touch of fear and famine and loss of property, life, and crops. Give good news to those who patiently endure” [2:155] 

now you want to ask, how to patiently endure,

“who, when faced with a disaster, say, “Surely to Allah we belong and to Him we will ‘all return.” [2:156] “They are the ones who will receive Allah’s blessings and mercy. And it is they who are ‘rightly guided.” [2:157]

that I understand my Lord, but when, sometimes, You know what I am trying to say - 

You only had to say O creation of Mine, you think I ever leave you alone? I don’t, it is just you who don’t stop and hear Me calling to you. and I didn’t leave, even when you yourself denied My Truth that you cry over today. 

“O believers! Seek comfort in patience and prayer. Allah is truly with those who are patient.” [2:153]

and, “remember Me; I will remember you. And thank Me, and never be ungrateful to Me.” [2:152] 

I find myself failing miserably
in attempts to give You what You deserve
for all that you have been doing
which for a long part of my life, I didn’t notice
until my eyes didn’t see what I wanted to see,
so I had to see what You were making me see.

O Lord, shower blessings on Muhammad, and on his family and his companions and grant them peace. 

“When My servants ask you ‘O Prophet’ about Me: I am truly near. I respond to one’s prayer when they call upon Me. So let them respond ‘with obedience’ to Me and believe in Me, perhaps they will be guided to the Right Way” [2:186] 

and you say, you were left alone on earth, with no one to serve justice? your Lord doesn’t hear anymore or see anymore? your Lord has always been here, itching you with difficultly and trials so you can have your eyes open for once and see, Who is in control. 

All praises belong to Allah the Al Hakeem. The Master of all the Worlds and Beyond. The One holding the seen and the unseen, possible and the impossible and all of His creations all once.